ants

i can't explain to you my hatred of ants.  it's obscene.  i absolutely loath ants.  this is my story:

last night i'm sitting on the couch with the little guy when an (1) ant crawls across my arm.  i murdered it immediately before it could tell its friends where we were.  i told matt:

"i hate ants.  i feel like they are all over me now."

"don't exaggerate, sam.  you just feel dirty because you didn't get a shower today." (it's true).

flash forward roughly six hours.  i'm in the kitchen with the boy and it's about 5am.  we are just coming off of a marathon fuss and we are both exhausted.  i'm trying to fix his medicine up (you suck, thrush) when i feel those god awful little feet marching up my arm (no, not jack's).  i quickly turn on the lights and am met with a horrific sight:  ants.  everywhere.  all over the counter.  i run and put the boy down in the living room (he's crying because it's 5am - crying time) and then i run back into the kitchen.  it's obvious that someone found out about my crime from earlier and has rallied the troops to exact their revenge.  i take out my weapon, windex, and the battle begins.  i find that they have broken in through a light switch plate (??? really??).  the slaughter rages on for 2 maybe 3 minutes before i see an end.  i return to my young son and we cry it out for another hour before we fall asleep for the "night".  hear my words, ants:

you are not welcome in my house.

an ungodly experience

so we brought the boy to church with us last sunday (i know i'm a little behind...) and he was an angel.  he sat quietly through the entire message.  that's when it hit us.  

"do you smell that?" 

"yea...  what is it?"

"it's our kid."

"wow"

wow was right...  so i took jack into the back of the room to assess the damage.  it was like armageddon in his pants.  total blow-out.  as i am marveling at the scene my beautiful son has created, i begin to feel something...  

"geez...  is there a leak in the roof?  why am i wet right now?"

oh yes, my friends.  you know why, don't you?  as if the diaper wasn't enough, jack crash was finishing the job...  all over me.  my shirt.  my arm.  my neck and face.  and remember, i was at church.  i tried to salvage what little dignity i had left by "cleaning up" with some baby wipes and hand sanitizer, and went on with my day.

introducing jack crash spelts

the story:

matt and i showed up to the hospital bright and early monday morning at 5:30 after ensuring pepe we would be back (he was a little worried).  the nurses started me on pitocin at 6:30 and my sporadic contractions became more consistent (3-4 minutes apart) and stronger.  the doctor came in at 8am and broke my water.  that's when things really started to get rolling!  by 1, my contractions were 1 minute apart, 30-45 seconds long and totally intense!  the nurse came in to check me and let me know i was dilated to 3cm.  i let her know we needed an epidural - stat.  the glorious epidural came at 1pm and by 3:30, was dilated to 8cm and completely effaced.  matt started calling people to tell them they might want to come on down.  finally, at 6:09pm after about 4 good pushes, jack crash spelts came into the world with a head of hair and a set of pipes (gramma suzy and auntie amy tell me they could hear him from down the hall)!  7lbs. 13oz. and 19 inches long!

we are so blessed and excited to have our perfect little guy out in the world with us!  

happy birthday sam!

went in for my 38 week check-up today and got the best birthday present ever!  the doctor measured my belly and said i was at 40cm again.  then she said, "how do you feel about getting this baby going?"  i said, "i am totally into it!"  this is so weird because this is basically what happened to my mom 27 years ago!  so the doctor checked me out and said he could still come by himself this weekend but if not she would see me on monday morning to induce!  yay!  i'm so excited right now!  so i called matt and gave him the scoop (good thing his last day at waldenbooks is tomorrow!) and we're just going to finish up a couple things around the house before sr. grumpy pants gets here!  don't worry - we have a phone tree call list so you'll all get the play by play as it happens.  happy birthday me!

grumpy pants.

here we are at 37 weeks.  technically "full-term", jack could come any day.  the doctor measured my belly at 40cm. but is giving me "credit for 39 weeks".  whatever that means.  i saw him on the ultra-sound the other day, sucking his thumb and giving his best grumpy face.  doctor says he's about 6.5 lb. (which is not as big as she was originally telling me he was) and that he's "still a boy!"  well, i should hope so, right?  =)  she doesn't think he's going to come this week but told us we should still be prepared.  so we are finishing up packing our bags, stocking his room, installing the car seat, and such.  waldenbooks is on notice that if i go into labor and matt is the only one there, he will lock the doors and walk out.  went to lunch with great-grampa wayne the other day and he told me that if i go into labor and matt is at work, he will come and get me and take me to the hospital.  although, he's not sure exactly where i live so i might have to walk out to the street and flag him down.  =)  so here are a couple of pictures of our chubby cheeked little grumpy pants to tide everyone over until he really gets here.  

babies r us rant

attention all:  do not shop at babies r us, especially online.  they are incompetent morons who can't do their jobs correctly to save their lives.  here is my story:

my dad (hi papa) ordered a beautiful dresser for jack online from babies r us (b.r.u.)  it arrived and when we went to put it together, one of the sides of the dresser had a huge crack in it.  not from shipping either.  some genius cracked the wood straight down the side when they hammered a wooden dowel into it.  so it was cracked BEFORE they sent it to me!  so i call them up and say 

"this is damaged, fix it" 

and they tell me that they will send someone to my house to pick it up for return.  they send someone to my dad's house.  i call and tell them 

"you went to the wrong house" 

and they send someone to my house.  except no one shows up to my house.  apparently, you have to have the package sitting on your front porch waiting for them because they only do drive by's and if the package isn't there you're s.o.l.  whatever.  i called and fixed THAT issue and they will be sending someone back to my house where i should have the 80lb. package sitting on my front doorstep between the hours of 9 and 5 on regular business days until they pick it up.

NEXT.  while opening previously mentioned damaged package, i realized that i had messed up and we ordered the wrong style dresser in the first place.  that was my mistake.  so i call up b.r.u. online and ask to order the correct dresser.  

"i'm sorry" they say "that dresser is out of stock until the end of august" 

boo.  so i find the dresser from another online spot and order it myself because they will give me free next day shipping.  sweet, right?  the "other" place calls the next day and tells me that the dresser is out of stock there too and will not ship until august 19th.  okay.  i'm just gonna hang out until it comes then.  a couple days later i get an email from b.r.u.  

"guess what?!  the dresser you want came in!  but you'd better order it fast because we don't know how long this will last" 

oh shoot!  so i email the "other" place 

"cancel my order!" 

and i call b.r.u. "gimme that dresser!" 

and i think all is well.  (remember that i've now ordered two $300 dressers)  the next day i get an email from the "other" place.  

"sorry!  we can't cancel your order.  it came in and guess what - we already shipped it to you."  

so i call b.r.u. "cancel my order!" 

 "ohhhhhhh sorry" they say "that order is already on the loading dock.  we can't cancel it but when it arrives at your house you can pay the shipping costs to send it back and THEN we will refund your money"  

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  so now i have two dressers coming to join the broken one at my house.

next day i get the dresser from the "other" place.  i put it together (thanks moo!).  it's beautiful.  great.  meanwhile, i begin tracking my order from b.r.u.  as of monday, the dresser was in san diego waiting to be delivered to my house.  so wed. night i'm getting ready to go to see "phantom!" (awesome!  thanks melissa plus!) and i decide to check up on the status of this damn dresser from b.r.u.  what?  what's that?  it says that they've left it on my doorstep tuesday night.  it's been delivered.  so i walk outside and look around because surely i would notice an 80 LB. BOX SITTING IN FRONT OF MY #$@!ing FRONT DOOR!  right?!  guess what?!  no box.  $#%!  so this morning i call up b.r.u.  

"hi.  where is my dresser?  i don't even want it.  i tried to cancel this order.  but now you say it's been delivered to my house and it's not here.  i don't want to pay for something i didn't get or be responsible for it not being delivered." 

 "hmmmmm..." they say "well it should be there.  but if you say it's not, then you can file a claim request to find out what really happened.  it's going to take 7-14 business days.  if fedex messed up we will refund your money, but if they say they delivered it, then you'll have to take this up with your credit card company."  

i'll kill you b.r.u.

in short, (too late, i know)  do not shop babies r us online.  you will regret it and rue the day you ever stumbled across them.  look in the store all you want.  browse the pretty pictures on their website.  but please go to another vendor for your purchases.  i hope they go out of business and have to eat their back stock to survive.

home stretch.

went to the doctor today for my 36 week checkup and i'm measuring 39cm!  yipes!  i was basically told that even if i was planning on going "natural" i should plan on having an epidural because she's pretty sure this is a BIG baby.  i go in every week from now until jack is born, and next week we get an ultrasound to try and determine his actual size.  doctor says that he could come at any time now!  wow!  i guess it's a good thing this was my last day of work and jack's room is almost finished!  i think we're just going to (try) and relax and go with whatever is thrown at us.  y'know.  roll with the punches... and contractions... and stuff.  =)

my feet

gross.

what week are we in?

went to the doctor today and here's the latest:  "technically" i'm almost 35 weeks.  however, they like to measure your belly when you go to the doctor.  the amount of centimeters you measure is supposed to correspond to how many weeks pregnant you are.  so...  this belly is measuring at 37cm.  wha???  that's right.  and the doctor said that it's all baby.  she's guessing that jack is weighing in at about 6 lbs. already.  ALREADY!  he's all done and just fattening up and getting even more adorable...  ha!  like that's even possible.  here's my prediction: the little dude is not going all the way.  i'm guessing august 20th instead of august 27th.  be prepared.

i'm sold.

okay.  so... i've been thinking about it and i think i've made up my mind.  i've decided on jack's name. " jack crash spelts".  i think it's awesome.  think about it for a bit....  wait...  oh ya.  it's awesome.  =)

adventures with jack

*** first a disclaimer:  everyone is okay.  besides a few burns from the seatbelt and airbag, we are fine.  ***

now.  we decided to start off our summer vacation with a bang.  literally.  i had just been to breakfast with my friend leona (holla!) and was on my way to see matt at the waldenbooks when a woman decided to turn and go the wrong way down a one way street...  immediately in front of my car.  everyone always says that it's like slow motion, and they are right.  i remember seeing this car appear in front of me and i yelled "oh my god!" and just hit the brakes, but there wasn't much i could've done.  next thing i know, i'm in the middle of the intersection, both airbags have deployed and the car smells something awful.  to make a long story short (too late right?) the police showed up with an ambulance and checked me out.  the lady was driving an elderly woman who had to be transported to the hospital by ambulance.  suzy came and got me, we went to pomerado to get jack checked out and they monitored his heart for about an hour (he's cool.)

so the car is totalled.  we spent an hour today waiting to get into the tow yard to clean all of my school stuff out of the car before the insurance company took the car to assess damages.  and we're getting a rental car later...  such a pain to get all of this stuff done but thank god we are fine.  here's a couple pictures i took at the tow yard.  the first is a view from the back seat (we couldn't open the front doors) and the second is an outside shot of the car.  drive safe everyone.

week 30

oh lord...  we are done with school.  the past couple days have been loooooooong and hot!  it's not so bad normally but little five year old bodies get cold easier than my hippo physique so i couldn't blast the ac as much as i would have liked to...  "meeses spelts!  i can't feel my toes!"  

so here's the baby update:  jack is roughly 16 inches long and almost 3 lbs. (about the size of a folded thick wool sweater...  wha????).  i don't really believe that comparison but...  we'll go with it for now.  he has all of his senses up and running.  he's even opening his eyes and checking out what's around him, although i feel like it would be awfully dark and hard to see in there.  he's been moving more and more and now it will be for longer periods of time so a couple people (mophie and moo...  holla!) have been able to feel him move, finally.  it's been kind of earthquake-tsunami-wave-like movement too.  all of a sudden my whole belly will shake and then these rolling movements go across it...  godzilla baby!  

the school threw me a baby shower last week and we scored a couple really great things.  the kinder team all hooked us up with our awesome bouncer/papasan chair.  i really enjoyed hearing all of the horrible labor and delivery stories that some of the women felt compelled to tell me (no i didn't...  i'm lying).  i even had a grandma of one of my student's come up to me today (last day!) to let me know that i should be careful because her daughter was due this august too but her baby came a week ago and now she's in the hospital for at least 2 months hooked up to all sorts of machines and i should know it could happen to me too....  really lady?  i'm sure it could, but last i checked, i'm a fairly normal, healthy person - not a cracked out wackadoo like you and probably your daughter.  so BACK OFF!  have a great summer!  =)

also, i'm going to the doctor again on friday (and most of you know how that went LAST time).  so wish me luck and say a little prayer that i catch her on a good day...  i'm just assuming she was having a bad day last time and that's why she was a little harsh (in my opinion).

lastly, we are going camping for a whole week next week.  soooooooo excited!  i was even more excited before i got up to use the bathroom for the second time the other night and had a horrifying thought (at 4am).  i'm going camping.  and i'm going to have to go to the bathroom in the night.  in the dark.  by myself.  with the bears.  and i tell you what....  i'm not walking myself through the woods all the way to find a bathroom in the dark.  so matt better be prepared for some late night awakenings because i'm going to need someone to watch my back for bears when i have to get up in the night.  rawr.

week 27

really?  week 27?  this is the last week of my second trimester... at times i feel like this has been going on forever and other times like it's been way too fast!  things have been going very well this past week.  jack is a mover and a shaker and if i can get matt to try we should be able to hear his heartbeat through my stomach!  weird!  this weekend we had barbecued ribs - yum! - and jack liked them too.  yesterday i had some jambalaya with a ton of kick - really.  i got about halfway through my bowl and i was getting punched and jabbed like crazy - "what are you doing lady?!  you trying to kill us both with that heat!?"  it was HOT!!  pepe even got a taste of jack's attitude when he got kicked in the butt the other day.  pepe was sitting on my lap with his buns pushed up against my belly when all of a sudden - POW!  he got kicked in the butt.  he turned around and gave my belly the stink eye so fast!  then he just kind of got up and moved to the end of the couch.  it was pretty funny.  

school is finishing up with just a couple more weeks to go.  i finished BTSA - that 2-year thorn in my side.  matt is done with everything for the credential!  all we have to do now is find jobs for next year!   oh - and a babysitter.  although i really think that pepe's maternal instinct is going to kick in and we will have free childcare from him.  =)  

week 24.

so here we are in week 24.  ears are done.  fingernails are done.  lungs are finishing up and starting to work their magic.  jack is practicing breathing in there amongst other things.  he's been giving little jabbers and pokes pretty regularly now.  maybe it's because he's getting bigger and feels all macho or something.  by the end of this week he will be about 2 lbs. and a little over 14 inches long!  crazy!  hopefully that means he'll be filling out a little too...  get some meat on them bones skeletor!  and i mean that lovingly...  =)  but really, the ultrasound pictures are a little creepy with no fat on his face.  

i've been doing pretty good too.  some heartburn and other crazy aches and pains but not too bad...  i heard it gets worse.  =)  i'm taking a "mental health" day today.  more for matt i think.  we were talking about how living with a pregnant person is like pulling out onto a blind curve with your car.  you might get out just fine, but other times you could get hit head on by a mac truck.  poor matt.  last night i was the 18 wheeler and he was a bug  stuck on my windshield, holding on for dear life.  so....  jack and i are taking a rest today to recoop and be nice people again.  =)

¡happy cinco de mayo!

we're coming up on 24 weeks here in a couple days...  it's so weird to say that i'm about 6 months pregnant.  jack's into it though.  we've really started to feel him moving around in there.  matt finally felt him kick the other night.  jack had been messing around, kicking me for a little while, and when i got matt to come over, he stopped.  so matt gave my belly a couple jabbers and then walked away... i kid you not - i watched a small bump pop up on my stomach!  jack was probably cursing us both... "leave me alone!"  =)  i yelled and matt came running back just in time to feel a nice little punch.  it was a great time.  =)  

i tell you what's not so great...  heartburn.  holy moly.  i feel so bad for anyone who has chronic heartburn.  i've never had it before and for those of you in the same boat i will describe what i felt last night for about 1 1/2 hours.  imagine you've been stabbed in the chest and then the person wiggled the knife around to make a huge hole.  then they pour gasoline inside the hole.  and then they light it up with a flamethrower.  repeat.  oh god make it stop.   and guess what started it all.  one orange wedge.  that's right.  roughly 1/4 of an orange.  oh god make it stop.  don't worry.  tums is my new bestie.  =)

here you go...

here you go...  not the best quality but it was what i could do.  =)  so the second one is the shot where we knew it was a boy...  it's shot from below if that helps you decipher it...  =)  but the top one (the twofer) is the one where we really knew it was our kid, he definitely takes after matt.  =)

It's a ....

canteloupe!  no, not really.  =)  but that's about how big jack is right now!  that's right, i said "jack".  right around august 27, 2008 we will be having a boy!  we went to the doctor yesterday and saw him in all his glory.  at first he didn't want to give us the "money shot" but soon enough we got it...  along with some other interesting pictures.  he certainly is matt's kid.  i'll try to get those pictures up soon (have to find a scanner).  anyway, we are super excited and can't wait to start getting his stuff ready!  =)

week 21 - the knee slapper

chippy is now about 7 inches in length and almost 11 oz. (roughly the size of a large banana), and practices swallowing.  i guess the amniotic fluid tastes different depending on what i eat and this helps chippy to develop taste for different foods.  i'm sure chippy will be absolutely crazy about ben and jerry's, guacamole, and burgers...  maybe we should just name the baby "wimpy".  =) 

chippy is supposed to be sleeping 12-14 hours per day, but i suspect he/she (we'll find out on friday!) has been staying up past curfew watching turner classic movies and late night television with pepe.  i get poked every once in a while from one or the other of them at night - i'm assuming it's kind of like when i laugh at something and have to smack my knee (or someone nearby) for dramatic effect.  must run in the family....  =)

sorry everyone

i guess i'm not as computer literate as i had hoped. some people told me they were having trouble posting comments. i think i've resolved the issue... apparently i needed to check a box for you all to post... he he he. sorry. it's done now. go for it! =)

it begins.

so....  matt's been bugging me to start up one of these for a while now.  i suppose it's time.   i'm pregnant and due at the end of august.  perfect timing for a teacher....  it's how we roll.  i'll get some pictures up in here soon.  

i'm right around week 20.  chippy should be about 10.5 inches long and 10.5 ounces.  and apparently the chip looks like a proportionate small child now instead of a sea monkey.  no more big headed alien.

 we find out next week if chippy is a boy or a girl so i'm more than a little stoked.  i have to admit, i was totally against it for a long time.  but i finally caved and i'm really more excited to just see the chip moving around in there.  

i've started feeling little pokings in the belly but it all feels different all the time.  sometimes it's a little flutter, sometimes pokings, sometimes like a fish...  is that possible?  maybe chip is a fish/butterfly/blind person stick combination.  nice.

by the way...  i added some of chippy's first pictures at the top there...  =)