Friday, August 29, 2008


i can't explain to you my hatred of ants.  it's obscene.  i absolutely loath ants.  this is my story:

last night i'm sitting on the couch with the little guy when an (1) ant crawls across my arm.  i murdered it immediately before it could tell its friends where we were.  i told matt:

"i hate ants.  i feel like they are all over me now."

"don't exaggerate, sam.  you just feel dirty because you didn't get a shower today." (it's true).

flash forward roughly six hours.  i'm in the kitchen with the boy and it's about 5am.  we are just coming off of a marathon fuss and we are both exhausted.  i'm trying to fix his medicine up (you suck, thrush) when i feel those god awful little feet marching up my arm (no, not jack's).  i quickly turn on the lights and am met with a horrific sight:  ants.  everywhere.  all over the counter.  i run and put the boy down in the living room (he's crying because it's 5am - crying time) and then i run back into the kitchen.  it's obvious that someone found out about my crime from earlier and has rallied the troops to exact their revenge.  i take out my weapon, windex, and the battle begins.  i find that they have broken in through a light switch plate (??? really??).  the slaughter rages on for 2 maybe 3 minutes before i see an end.  i return to my young son and we cry it out for another hour before we fall asleep for the "night".  hear my words, ants:

you are not welcome in my house.

an ungodly experience

so we brought the boy to church with us last sunday (i know i'm a little behind...) and he was an angel.  he sat quietly through the entire message.  that's when it hit us.  

"do you smell that?" 

"yea...  what is it?"

"it's our kid."


wow was right...  so i took jack into the back of the room to assess the damage.  it was like armageddon in his pants.  total blow-out.  as i am marveling at the scene my beautiful son has created, i begin to feel something...  

"geez...  is there a leak in the roof?  why am i wet right now?"

oh yes, my friends.  you know why, don't you?  as if the diaper wasn't enough, jack crash was finishing the job...  all over me.  my shirt.  my arm.  my neck and face.  and remember, i was at church.  i tried to salvage what little dignity i had left by "cleaning up" with some baby wipes and hand sanitizer, and went on with my day.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

introducing jack crash spelts

the story:

matt and i showed up to the hospital bright and early monday morning at 5:30 after ensuring pepe we would be back (he was a little worried).  the nurses started me on pitocin at 6:30 and my sporadic contractions became more consistent (3-4 minutes apart) and stronger.  the doctor came in at 8am and broke my water.  that's when things really started to get rolling!  by 1, my contractions were 1 minute apart, 30-45 seconds long and totally intense!  the nurse came in to check me and let me know i was dilated to 3cm.  i let her know we needed an epidural - stat.  the glorious epidural came at 1pm and by 3:30, was dilated to 8cm and completely effaced.  matt started calling people to tell them they might want to come on down.  finally, at 6:09pm after about 4 good pushes, jack crash spelts came into the world with a head of hair and a set of pipes (gramma suzy and auntie amy tell me they could hear him from down the hall)!  7lbs. 13oz. and 19 inches long!

we are so blessed and excited to have our perfect little guy out in the world with us!  

Thursday, August 14, 2008

happy birthday sam!

went in for my 38 week check-up today and got the best birthday present ever!  the doctor measured my belly and said i was at 40cm again.  then she said, "how do you feel about getting this baby going?"  i said, "i am totally into it!"  this is so weird because this is basically what happened to my mom 27 years ago!  so the doctor checked me out and said he could still come by himself this weekend but if not she would see me on monday morning to induce!  yay!  i'm so excited right now!  so i called matt and gave him the scoop (good thing his last day at waldenbooks is tomorrow!) and we're just going to finish up a couple things around the house before sr. grumpy pants gets here!  don't worry - we have a phone tree call list so you'll all get the play by play as it happens.  happy birthday me!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

grumpy pants.

here we are at 37 weeks.  technically "full-term", jack could come any day.  the doctor measured my belly at 40cm. but is giving me "credit for 39 weeks".  whatever that means.  i saw him on the ultra-sound the other day, sucking his thumb and giving his best grumpy face.  doctor says he's about 6.5 lb. (which is not as big as she was originally telling me he was) and that he's "still a boy!"  well, i should hope so, right?  =)  she doesn't think he's going to come this week but told us we should still be prepared.  so we are finishing up packing our bags, stocking his room, installing the car seat, and such.  waldenbooks is on notice that if i go into labor and matt is the only one there, he will lock the doors and walk out.  went to lunch with great-grampa wayne the other day and he told me that if i go into labor and matt is at work, he will come and get me and take me to the hospital.  although, he's not sure exactly where i live so i might have to walk out to the street and flag him down.  =)  so here are a couple of pictures of our chubby cheeked little grumpy pants to tide everyone over until he really gets here.  

Thursday, August 7, 2008

babies r us rant

attention all:  do not shop at babies r us, especially online.  they are incompetent morons who can't do their jobs correctly to save their lives.  here is my story:

my dad (hi papa) ordered a beautiful dresser for jack online from babies r us (b.r.u.)  it arrived and when we went to put it together, one of the sides of the dresser had a huge crack in it.  not from shipping either.  some genius cracked the wood straight down the side when they hammered a wooden dowel into it.  so it was cracked BEFORE they sent it to me!  so i call them up and say 

"this is damaged, fix it" 

and they tell me that they will send someone to my house to pick it up for return.  they send someone to my dad's house.  i call and tell them 

"you went to the wrong house" 

and they send someone to my house.  except no one shows up to my house.  apparently, you have to have the package sitting on your front porch waiting for them because they only do drive by's and if the package isn't there you're s.o.l.  whatever.  i called and fixed THAT issue and they will be sending someone back to my house where i should have the 80lb. package sitting on my front doorstep between the hours of 9 and 5 on regular business days until they pick it up.

NEXT.  while opening previously mentioned damaged package, i realized that i had messed up and we ordered the wrong style dresser in the first place.  that was my mistake.  so i call up b.r.u. online and ask to order the correct dresser.  

"i'm sorry" they say "that dresser is out of stock until the end of august" 

boo.  so i find the dresser from another online spot and order it myself because they will give me free next day shipping.  sweet, right?  the "other" place calls the next day and tells me that the dresser is out of stock there too and will not ship until august 19th.  okay.  i'm just gonna hang out until it comes then.  a couple days later i get an email from b.r.u.  

"guess what?!  the dresser you want came in!  but you'd better order it fast because we don't know how long this will last" 

oh shoot!  so i email the "other" place 

"cancel my order!" 

and i call b.r.u. "gimme that dresser!" 

and i think all is well.  (remember that i've now ordered two $300 dressers)  the next day i get an email from the "other" place.  

"sorry!  we can't cancel your order.  it came in and guess what - we already shipped it to you."  

so i call b.r.u. "cancel my order!" 

 "ohhhhhhh sorry" they say "that order is already on the loading dock.  we can't cancel it but when it arrives at your house you can pay the shipping costs to send it back and THEN we will refund your money"  

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  so now i have two dressers coming to join the broken one at my house.

next day i get the dresser from the "other" place.  i put it together (thanks moo!).  it's beautiful.  great.  meanwhile, i begin tracking my order from b.r.u.  as of monday, the dresser was in san diego waiting to be delivered to my house.  so wed. night i'm getting ready to go to see "phantom!" (awesome!  thanks melissa plus!) and i decide to check up on the status of this damn dresser from b.r.u.  what?  what's that?  it says that they've left it on my doorstep tuesday night.  it's been delivered.  so i walk outside and look around because surely i would notice an 80 LB. BOX SITTING IN FRONT OF MY #$@!ing FRONT DOOR!  right?!  guess what?!  no box.  $#%!  so this morning i call up b.r.u.  

"hi.  where is my dresser?  i don't even want it.  i tried to cancel this order.  but now you say it's been delivered to my house and it's not here.  i don't want to pay for something i didn't get or be responsible for it not being delivered." 

 "hmmmmm..." they say "well it should be there.  but if you say it's not, then you can file a claim request to find out what really happened.  it's going to take 7-14 business days.  if fedex messed up we will refund your money, but if they say they delivered it, then you'll have to take this up with your credit card company."  

i'll kill you b.r.u.

in short, (too late, i know)  do not shop babies r us online.  you will regret it and rue the day you ever stumbled across them.  look in the store all you want.  browse the pretty pictures on their website.  but please go to another vendor for your purchases.  i hope they go out of business and have to eat their back stock to survive.

Friday, August 1, 2008

home stretch.

went to the doctor today for my 36 week checkup and i'm measuring 39cm!  yipes!  i was basically told that even if i was planning on going "natural" i should plan on having an epidural because she's pretty sure this is a BIG baby.  i go in every week from now until jack is born, and next week we get an ultrasound to try and determine his actual size.  doctor says that he could come at any time now!  wow!  i guess it's a good thing this was my last day of work and jack's room is almost finished!  i think we're just going to (try) and relax and go with whatever is thrown at us.  y'know.  roll with the punches... and contractions... and stuff.  =)