Friday, August 29, 2008


i can't explain to you my hatred of ants.  it's obscene.  i absolutely loath ants.  this is my story:

last night i'm sitting on the couch with the little guy when an (1) ant crawls across my arm.  i murdered it immediately before it could tell its friends where we were.  i told matt:

"i hate ants.  i feel like they are all over me now."

"don't exaggerate, sam.  you just feel dirty because you didn't get a shower today." (it's true).

flash forward roughly six hours.  i'm in the kitchen with the boy and it's about 5am.  we are just coming off of a marathon fuss and we are both exhausted.  i'm trying to fix his medicine up (you suck, thrush) when i feel those god awful little feet marching up my arm (no, not jack's).  i quickly turn on the lights and am met with a horrific sight:  ants.  everywhere.  all over the counter.  i run and put the boy down in the living room (he's crying because it's 5am - crying time) and then i run back into the kitchen.  it's obvious that someone found out about my crime from earlier and has rallied the troops to exact their revenge.  i take out my weapon, windex, and the battle begins.  i find that they have broken in through a light switch plate (??? really??).  the slaughter rages on for 2 maybe 3 minutes before i see an end.  i return to my young son and we cry it out for another hour before we fall asleep for the "night".  hear my words, ants:

you are not welcome in my house.

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